Sometimes You Just Need A Cookie

Too Stressed to come up with a catchy thought-provoking title...

So I should be going to bed right now. I don't really feel good and I have an exam tomorrow at 12 and I haven't studied for it yet. But for some reason, I sat at my computer and started typing on this journal that has been severely lacking in the post department since I have returned to school. Like I said, I don't really feel too good, but its not cuz I'm sick. I'm kind of tired but I think I am becoming emotionally drained. For the first time in a long time, I am getting stressed. This is surprising to me, because I don't usually get stressed. I get annoyed, I get angry, I get jealous, I over analyze, I worry too much, and I lock everyone out and deal with it in my own ways. (Much like a certain friend of mine, even if he doesn't want to admit it.) But I never get stressed. Why? Well it all dates back to my upbringing. I have always been the "Go To Guy!", and I can't get stressed cuz other people need me. Well at least in my eyes, maybe I'm just being an asshole and hyping myself up, which I also do a lot. (I am just realizing that there are so many points I am trying to put together, and its just turning into a rant, so if u read something here and it intrigues you, comment on it and it will give me a great topic to post on.) Now, because of my amazing friends here at school and a select few at home, I have "grown out of" this thinking a little, but I have always been this way, so its hard to change. I think I am the go to guy, because growing up, I was always there for all of my friends, and I would sit on the phone and talk talk talk until the wee hours of the morning with people over stupid things, but I knew it meant a lot to them. But I would never get that in return. The old saying "Nice Guys Finish Last" was often the slogan of my life. (Maybe Willams can post his link to the wonderful website about nice guys, cuz it def struck a chord with me.) Anyways, well I would be there for everyone so I guess I kind of just assumed I was an awesome friend and I guess I put myself up on a pedestal. But I always lived by my mom's advise..."Treat others how you want to be treated." (actually I heard that saying today somewhere.....:P) So I always lived that way...and I treated people the best way I could, in hopes of being treated that way too. I guess I try to lead by example, and I give and give and give so much sometimes...and like Clark Kent (right Steve?) I would just get SHAT on so bad. I would drive all around town visiting my friends @ work, but no one would ever show up at my work. I would be there for everyone, and no one would be there for me. I plan things for my friends, but when my time comes, no one plans things for me. Well by now, I have definitely become used to the fact that I will get Shat on, and actually its hard for me to break that thinking even though I am surrounded by people who care about me.

So, why am I stressed? It could be some recent family news that I found out. It could be my usual dumb stupid annoying subconscious nagging me again for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON! Is it me worrying about something stupid even though I know everything will be fine, but the skeptic in me wants to fuck me over. Or it could be finals. Or the fact that I have 3 Psych essays to write, and I have not learned ANYTHING the entire semester.

I never get stressed about finals. My whole life, I never really take tests, homework, finals etc. seriously. I don't know why, but it could definitely be a reason why I have never earned the grades that I am capable of. I have a lot of potential...well, that's what my teachers always told my parents, but I don't apply myself. I don't read books, I don't study vocabulary, and I def don't practice math and grammar in my free time. I do things I enjoy in my free time. I play video games, I watch movies, I watch TV shows, and I talk and hang out with my friends. For me, I hold these "hobbies" in much higher regard then practicing all that stuff I stated earlier. Pssh who needs to read and know how to write properly...I'm only going into Communications for a profession.

So, I have a feeling it is a combo of everything happening at once, as usual for Greg. "When it rains, it pours." So I guess I just have to sit back, be my normal self and brush off everything that happens and I know ill be fine. But someday, I know that I will be faced with too much, and I am going to finally NEED that person, that I have been so many times in my life, to be there for me. I know that that person will show up, because I know that in my life, I am surrounded by people who care about me and will do anything for me just like I would do anything for them........now I just have to get used to that I guess......
Until then,


Keep On Rocking In The Free World.

posted by Greg @ 12:36 AM